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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Humorous quotes' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, January 1st, 2009
3:59 pm
"yay" willow from buffy
Saturday, December 27th, 2008
6:32 pm
"It's a total loss of control, and not in the 'my girl friend has a pierced tongue' way." - Willow in "Chosen" from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
7:50 pm
"fart" - my but
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
4:33 am
"Shut up... SHUT UP! Wher I cum frum we eee chu!" - Chelsea's uncle to her dog
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
7:20 pm
"asian people won't get into heaven" - my grandson ryan, he is a real character!
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
4:17 am
"It's just, in high school, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence... It's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know, and letting this place just thrust into and, and spurt knowledge into... That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in." - Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
6:57 pm
"You can't walk a dog in this snowstorm" - my neighbor Mrs. Keunning, joke's on her GUESS WHAT I COULD
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
12:41 am
"Wicca helped me get through pregnancy" - sister's friend (agghhbb shut up CAROL you're so STUPID)
12:17 am
"Hey, Moe." - Curly, Three Stooges
Sunday, March 18th, 2007
2:43 pm
2 Batches of Eddie Izzard quote icons (23 in 1st, 25 in 2nd)
Man, this guy is so funny and quotable. Mostly from Dressed to Kill, but some from The Circle and some from Definite Article.  Hope it's okay that they're icons, not just plain text. 

If you've never seen Eddie Izzard, I seriously suggest renting his standup.  He's one of the funniest comedians I've ever heard.  Almost everything he says is golden.


Beige, stipple effect, two days! )

2nd Batch:

More darling Eddie. The textures I used can be found at my Deviant Art favs. Mostly Dressed to Kill quotes, but one from the Jeff/Darth Vader skit in The Circle.


Le singe est dans l'autobus. Le singe conduit l'autobus. )
Friday, February 16th, 2007
2:06 pm
"Put not your trust in kings and princes. Three of a kind will take them both." - General Robert C. Schenck
Friday, August 11th, 2006
10:13 pm
"You dig my gist, sweet pants?"
-Shawn (Psych)
Friday, July 28th, 2006
9:24 pm
Monk: Even on my worst days I can tell myself: "At least I've never felt a drifter's face."
Saturday, May 13th, 2006
10:32 pm
"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." - Jack Handey
Thursday, February 16th, 2006
12:07 am
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it." - Franklin P. Jones
Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
9:28 pm
"No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the thighs is amputation."

"Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers. "

from the movie, "st.Elmo's Fire"
Friday, January 20th, 2006
6:54 pm
sorry if this offends anyone, it was a quote I liked though..

"Dear Lord, thank you for this Thanksgiving holiday. And for all the material possessions we have and enjoy. And for letting us white people kill all the Indians and steal their tribal lands. And stuff ourselves like pigs, even though children in Asia are being napalmed."

from the movie- The Ice Storm

Current Mood: cold
Thursday, January 12th, 2006
10:01 pm
Hello everyone, I'm new here. I've had this first quote since highschool...that makes it...6 years I think, anyways it's always been one of my favorites,

"Why does a dog get mad if you blow in his face, but sticks his head out of the car window?"

"Why is it that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?"

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

Current Mood: amused
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
10:21 pm
- We're from the I.R.S. Our motto is "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
1:34 pm
According to a reccent survey, 85% of women masturbate in the shower and the other 15% sing. And do you know what they sing?

Thought not.

Current Mood: relieved
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